No banter, no chuckles.

I always want to be honest with you, my blog friends, so tonight there is no silliness or jokes, just my open heart.

A very close friend is very seriously ill, and I have returned home in the dark, alone and exhausted, to an empty house and silence. I’ve grown used to silence in the last 26 years but this is oppressive. On the way home I nearly sided a bridge, and then over-correcting hit the grass verge. Is my car damaged? I don’t care. My mind is elsewhere.  When I came through the door I opened my Bible, knowing what I would find – the ribbon was where I left it this morning, and the very first verse I read was a word from Jesus Himself , speaking to the apostles “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death”

I’ve been meditating on Gethsemane for a few days now. Jesus, knowing and dreading what was to come. It’s poignant tonight because I left my friend in her hospital bed simply dreading what was to come for her. Overcome with sorrow. We were able to admit to each other that this illness may end in death very soon, and we were able to admit that death holds no fears for us, not one, but the process of dying is terrifying.

Jesus faced that. For us. For us. But He faced it willingly, His sacrifice and choice. I’m over- awed tonight with the sorrow in the world, and I’m over-awed by the Saviour who knew all that sorrow but walked to meet it, in love. For me and for you.

There’s no easy understanding of pain and fear, there are no glib answers, no paperback to explain it all away, no public speaker wise enough and no rostrum wide enough…. there’s just sorrow and God. And He alone is enough. Not pious-speak, not ‘come to the well’ glibness (not tonight, tomorrow maybe) not any of that surface religiosity. Just honest me, and honest you, sharing the knowledge that life is sometimes hard to take.

Tonight I wish that my sick friend was not alone. Tonight I wish that I was not alone.


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