I do love my blog. I really really do. There’s an illusion that as I write it I am not alone and that’s a very welcome illusion!
But this week has been a bit of a monster truck rally, and my clumsy thoughts are bumping up against each other, crumpling bodywork and wrenching doors off, leaving some fabulous vehicles of my brilliant design trailing in the mud, bloodied and bruised while others race on ahead full of Mr Toad energy.
I am a bit, my darlings, of a mess. That’s what I’m trying to say.
Why I can’t just say that without going into monster truck rally metaphors….. tsk.
Yesterday I was called to account by a very very dear friend. We all need that occasionally and I need it more than most. I’m in need of a rest from thinking. I’m in need of a rest from doing. I’m in need of a rest from my brilliant plans and my blog. He didn’t say that I needed a rest from the blog, but he pointed out that sometimes I say that I am fine, when I am not fine, and that this is not the way to grow a friendship.
It’s not the way to grow a blog either. It made me realise that I have stepped back from my much vaunted open-ness and honesty. So much for Luce the honest one, eh?
Yesterday I published a blog that I was returning to England. Very chirpy and full of ‘God will provide’ and all that. I think it was total rubbish. It was wishful thinking and it was all me, and not God. So I deleted it.
Rewind, reboot, re-center.
I’m emotionally knackered. A couple of days off from the blog, I think.
So, see you soon, but not sooooon.
I’ll miss you.
You jolly well better miss me.