I have a yellow car. A ridiculously yellow car. It’s a silly little car and I quite like it being silly. There’s a trend at the moment for big car cars, big high lumbering cars made in the Far East for idiot Westerners, and a lot of these idiot Westerners come on holiday to this coastal area…..
When I bought my silly yellow car, one of the things several people said to me (several times) was “A yellow car is the most visible car on the roads” (or words to that effect) and, true enough, when I looked up the safest colour for a car to be…. YELLOW!
A month after picking up this fabulous little buzzing creature, I was backing out of a space in a carpark, when a woman pushing a supermarket trolley walked in front of me, on her way to the shop. No problem, I was reversing. In my mirror I saw one of these big fat lumbering 4×4’s in the opposite rank start up and immediately begin to move. Because of the woman in front of me, I had nowhere to go, so I braked and sounded my horn to warn the 4×4 driver. He kept coming. Now the woman had stopped and was watching, a tad horrified. I sounded my horn again, long and loud, people waved at him… no… he kept coming. CLANG! He hit me. Then he got out, as I got out, and he was old and a bit bewildered and he asked ‘Did I hit you?’. When the trolley lady said ‘We were all waving at you – telling you.” He said “I didn’t see you.”
Today as I returned from the beach, a bit windswept but happy, I drove up a very narrow ‘nip-point’ in the village. There’s a space at each end of this long narrow section where a driver can pause to see if the way is clear. My way was clear and I tootled off into it. I was about 100metres in when a large 4×4 appeared at the other end, and he didn’t bother stopping to let me out….. he just kept coming… and coming…. I had nowhere to go so I braked and wound my window down. He slowed but kept coming….. I indicated to him ‘Wind your window down’ intending to say “If you back up ten yards, we can both get through” but he kept his windows hermetically sealed and kept on coming… he thought he could squeeze past me and I knew he couldn’t. He thought a big posh car made him inviolable and it didn’t. Or maybe he thought it gave him right of way…. anyway, it was a brand new spanking posh Rangerover and I bet he’d not had it long because he didn’t know where it began and where it ended….. I watched his great big slab sided luxury vehicle edging past me… An ocean liner passing a canoe…. it was obvious we were going to collide… CLANG! I got out, he got out, he looked at me in sort of vague puzzlement… I said “Why didn’t you just let me through?” and he said, wait for it….
“I didn’t see you.”
And you know, folks, this last little while I have been trying not to swear. Sometimes only a good swear-up will fit the bill.
***&@**!!!!**@@. **$£@!!!!! ***&@**!!!!**@@. **$£@!!!!!