Yesterday, a grave

Yesterday we buried a lovely, kind, warm, funny woman.

I can’t go to bed tonight without paying tribute to her because I’m finding it hard to truly lay her, and our friendship, to rest.

But lay her to rest we must. And this is my attempt to do so – I have no one to say this to except you bloggies, you are my companions in the silence of the night. I need to say it. Bear with me?

When some people die the waters close over them swiftly, but some don’t slip away so easily. Trix is in my mind and in my heart and I’m finding it hard to let her go. She was a vibrant woman, indomitable, warm, funny, and honest. As we grow older (she was just a few months older than me) we discover that there are not many people in our lives who are truly honest. She spoke honestly to everyone and in turn she expected honesty from others. She didn’t hedge and say the right-on thing, neither was she mean or unthinking, she was just honest and brave and kind. She didn’t gossip, or judge, she never belittled anyone or took pleasure in the failings of others, but she was so straightforward, so uncomplicated. It takes a special kind of wisdom and grace to manage that.

I miss her so much.

I wish that I had told her how very much I loved her. I hope she knew.

If you love someone, for pity’s sake, tell them. Tell them.

Tell them. Not just the easy painless unthinking  ‘I love you’ but considered, truthful words of weight and meaning. Don’t cheapen the sentiment by spraying it wild and free, but instead consider it and pray about it, and be honest. If it’s true, it will hurt, realising how much you love them, realising that one day there’s going to be loss. The pain is worth it.

Talk to them about who they are and what they mean to you. Pay tribute while they’re still here.

As we age we lose so many people we love. Get into the habit of telling them that they are in your heart and you value them, and long to be with them. Don’t be afraid to say it. Just bloody well say it.

One day it will be too late.





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